Wow

That's all I have to say...

Have I ever said

How lucky I am??

Thank you, my friend....thank you.

Little Bubba will be so cute in these!!

Dear Neighbor Teenagers

Ringing our doorbell and running at 7pm is not funny.

Ringing our doorbell and running at 7:30pm is not funny.

Ringing our doorbell and running at 8:15 pm is not funny.

Ringing our doorbell and running at 8:35pm is not funny.

Ringing our doorbell and running at 9:00pm is not funny.

Ringing our doorbell and running at 9:15 pm is not funny.

Ringing our doorbell and running at 9:40pm and running through our front bushes and knocking over one of our bushes is enough to get your ass kicked.

Do this crap when the baby is here and you wake him up? That's more than enough to get your ass kicked.

Any questions?

I get home at 5:45-6pm each and every night. Most weekends I am home. Feel free to knock on the door (or even ring the doorbell) and hang out till I answer the door if you'd like to discuss.

Oh and for the record - you apparantly still suck at volleyball. Because the fact that you ring our doorbell no less than 5 times each weekend day asking for your ball back because its in our yard is testament to your lack of skills. Stop Playing. You suck at volleyball. And no, I am not going to just 'let you go into' our backyard. I dont' like you. AT all. And don't trust you to shut the gate behind your non-volleyball playin' asses.

(oh, and last weekend? When there was a giant sign in our front yard that said "Baby Moe's Shower" and there were approximately 25 cars in our area and balloons and you still knocked on our door for your volleyball? Get a clue).

Thank you.

Mrs. 13 Letter Last Name

Updated -

For those of you who emailed me, or posted asking, thank you.

Am I doing better? Yes.

Am I doing great? No, but I AM better.

I went to our company EAP (Employee Assistance PRogram) counselor on Thursday. I spent an hour in there talking, crying, wringing my hands, crying, etc. But I felt better. I hadn't yet cried OPENLY in front of someone who listened and didn't judge or try to fix everything. (OK except at my doctor's office). But I walked out of there feeling a little better.

I am going to take it one day at a time. If I still feel bad on Tuesday or WEdnesday, I will call the doctor and we will go on to the next step to solve this. If not, I"m in there a week from then for my regular appt. Either way, I am going to work with her on this.

Googling "prenatal depression" showed me a lot - this IS common. And it can be an indicator of being susceptible for post partum depression. So, now i know to be aware.

Mark is trying. Hard. Is he doing or saying everything right? Not quite - but he is trying. The engineer in him wants to fix everything. So when I talk to him about somthing, he turns very logical. But at least he's trying.

Oh, and for the record, insomnia is back....with a vengence.

Which isn't helping this at all.

Thank you for your wonderfully sweet and understanding words. It means more to me than you know.

No One Ever Prepared Me For How Rough Pregnancy is

Mentally...

Physically, i was sure it would suck.

But mentally, I am struggling. A whole, whole lot.

I had a long, tear-filled discussion with my doctor today.

She assured me it was normal. My hormones are struggling. In turn....I am struggling. Hard.

I am scared.

Scared of how I am feeling.

Scared of what this means for me in the upcoming 7 weeks. And absolutely terrified of what I am facing after he gets here.

She is concerned about me too.

I am to keep a close, close eye on myself over the next 2 weeks. If at any time I am feeling worse, I am to call. She will see me right away and we will take whatever steps are next - probably some mild medication.

She is worried about depression. I am terrified of depression. I have been there before, but it has never directly affected another person like it is right now.

She wants me to enjoy these last 50 some odd days of my pregnancy. This is time you can't get back, she says. And she's right. I am just too sad to enjoy it as much as i should be.

I am not strong enough to handle this right now. I know I am not.

Unfortunately, the level of understanding of people in my life is rather low. So I feel more and more alone. By the moment.

I talked to a friend who suffered similarly. She has helped.

But on the whole, i am struggling. I need to figure how to cope with this. Or at least get through the next few weeks and months.

I am tired of being wrong. I am tired of failing. I am tired of picking crappy baby names. And picking "fancy" baby soaps, lotions, etc. I am tired of always, always being wrong. I need support. I need to not be judged. I need someone to be by my side. Support me. Encourage me. And make it better when I am hurt.

I have to do something right - and I don't know what that is. Or when that will happen.

Have you ever felt

That you can't do shit right?

-That work just isn't going right.
-That you fall asleep with clothes in the washer and come home to find your husband has put them in the dryer. Thus shrinking two maternity sweaters to the size of egular sweaters. Unless you are one of those Hollywood women who walk around half dressed while pregnant.
-That your hormones are out of control and the slightest thing can set the tears off?
-That between 3pm and 8pm, you have already cried 4 times and feel like a 5th is about 3 1/2 seconds away?
-That you see pictures from your baby shower and see exactly how much weight you have gained and you looks entirely different than you think you do in the mirror? And perhaps you really do have 4 chins?
-That you have heard from countless people their opinions of the names you have mentioned you like for your baby - of which you have about 50 days left till your due date?
-And no matter what, you are thinking of a middle name that is after a book in the Bible and NOT after a Star Wars character and yet, no one believes you? And continuously makes Star Wars quotes about your baby??
-That your house is still totally jacked up messy from having the shower at your house and you don't know when it will be cleaned?
-That your bestest friend didn't come to your shower because she forgot it was her stepdaughter's bday weekend and didn't bother to call or anything until 2 days later?
-That you have heard how "extremely strong" your personality is and wonder if that's an insult

And that you just can't damn win....at all.

From where I am sitting....

(and yes, I know I should have pictures) -

I see:

Rainforest bouncer (Fully assembled by me)
aquarium swing (fully assembled by me)
Half assembled exersaucer (by me - rest will finish later)
3/4 assembled pack-n-play (by Mark - rest will finish later)

Downstairs, there is:
high chair
car seats (yes, 2 - one for each car)
travel system
bath tub
A laundry basket completely filled with burp cloths, receiving blankets, one-sies, jammies, etc that are just DYING for me to wash them.
A second hamper filled with more of the above. (dark colors, the basket has the light colors in it)
Variety of baby soaps, lotions, creams, etc. All in the yummy healthy natural varieties I requested
Bath toys
Baby carrier

And more other stuff than I care to think about.

Our family and friends gave us the bestest shower ever.

We are very blessed.

And Baby Moe is so very lucky and blessed.